The Evil Stories from My HeadDemented Fairy Tails
by Lieutenant Lindsey
Summary: ...fairy Tails...I'm back, you can thank fall break for this upload or chapter thing. Now stop looking at me!
1. Chapter 1

Lindsey: Something is living in the door-post....  
  
Lindsey: It so cool...it's creepy.  
  
O O  
  
Disclaimer: [Beaks into song & dance] I - don't - own-nnn- Static - Shock, or - any-other Fairy-Tale-I-don't-even-own - my - belly - button - LINT!  
  
O O  
  
Lindsey is sitting there innocently reading a random book, too innocently. The T.V. plays Static Shock, lighting sounds in the distance.  
  
Lindsey: [looks at the tv then at the window] Static Shock, light'n storm.....what a ka-wink-a-dink!  
  
Lighting comes through the window, ricochets off the TV and hits the book!  
  
Lindsey: Ah knew Ah should have shut that window.  
  
All the little characters in the book switch roles with the TV characters. Lindsey watches the TV, as what looks like Pippe Longstocking throwing fire balls at Little Red Riding Hood who's shooting lighting. Go figure.  
  
Lindsey: Go figure....  
  
Saga/narrater: I just said that. Meow.  
  
Lindsey: Oooookay.... O o  
  
Lindsey looks at her book that has finished smolderling. Opening it, there's a page with a picture of She-bang wearing a familiar red coak. And Shiv & Ferret at a infamous tea party.  
  
Lindsey: This is going to be interesting.  
  
To Be Continued...... 


	2. A Very Odd Tea Party

The fun fact of the day : Most of mah friends are mah messmates.  
  
o o o  
  
Jason: I dout that they'll know what that is.  
  
Lindsey: It's called ah Dictionary...  
  
Nicole: Diction-what?  
  
Lindsey: sigh  
  
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0  
  
Lindsey: Ah'm try'n to trick my computer; Ah can't do the line jazz. If this comes out good, Ah wouldn't dance on all of yal's graves. Or hairball-cough. And maybe will be nice this time?  
  
Dr.Evil-Computer: Never....you undesirable wretch !!!  
  
Lindsey: The Internet is out to get me...sigh.  
  
Dr. Evil-Computer: Got that right girly!  
  
Lindsey: O O  
  
o o o  
  
Disclaimer: Do it and Ah'll give yal such a pinch.  
  
o o o  
  
She-Bang and the Tea Party  
  
She-Bang wanders through the woods until she comes to a clearing. A table is laided out and seems to go on forever. Tea cups and small plates are laided out and tea pots as well.  
  
She-Bang: What's going on here?  
  
Saga: Meow! A tea party that never ends! Run for your life! MEOW! {screams from a chair}  
  
Shiv: Don't mind her...{pats the black fured Arcanan Cattd on the head}...she's wayyyy too up-tight.  
  
Ferret: Yeah, {shoves a scone in Saga's mouth}doesn't know a good thing when she sees it.  
  
Shiv: Care to join us?  
  
She-Bang: Um...no thanks.  
  
Shiv: You must join us...we're celebrate'n...err...everything. {Pushes her towards the table}  
  
She-Bang: Heck-no! {jump/flies away}  
  
Shiv: Lost another one to Dieteck.(don't own)  
  
Ferret: What?  
  
Shiv: Nothing...  
  
Lindsey: Shiv...ya'll never lose meh! {runs towards them}  
  
Shiv: Don't remind me!!! {runs away}  
  
Lindsey: DARN IT!!! {walks away}  
  
Ferret: Ay...what about ME?!  
  
Lindsey: {walks back & gives him a hug}  
  
Random Appearing Audience: Awww....  
  
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0  
  
Lindsey: 's the original review...  
  
Shadow-Spider = Ah am insane, thank yal for reconiz'n it.

o o o


	3. Chp3 Japanese Cat Myth 1

**Lindsey: [dances] Chapter3-chapter3-oh-happy I will be!  
  
Saga: Hum....I wondered where all that soda went.  
  
O o O o O o O  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Japanese Cat Myth # 1  
  
o o o  
  
Lindsey: CHARACTER CALL !!!  
  
Everyone looks around nervously.  
  
Mother : Talon  
  
Son : Shiv  
  
Cat : Saga  
  
Saga: Why me?  
  
Lindsey: Because you're the only one who can transform into a giant cat beast.  
  
Saga: Can't you use that "Kirara" thing off "InuYasha"?  
  
Lindsey: no....  
  
Saga: Hurg....okay....sigh...  
  
Lindsey: Transform NOW!!!  
  
Saga transforms into a giant black cat with wings.  
  
Lindsey: Good kitty....  
  
O o O o O o O  
  
Disclaimer: I own Saga and her transformed state.....you....sick....bloodgers....**

**Resistez au ressembler mauvais de chat!  
  
Saga: Resist the evil cat ? .........HEY!!!  
  
O o O o O o O  
  
Once a boy...  
  
Shiv: [walks on stage]  
  
.......used to hunt daily with a bow and ten arrows only.  
  
[Arcane soldier throws a bow and a bunch of arrows at Shiv.]  
  
One day his mother persuaded him to take an extra, saying he might need it.  
  
Talon: Take it I insist.  
  
Shiv: Um...sure.  
  
He shot nothing all day and as the moon rose, he indulged in the very Japanese custom of moon gazing.  
  
Shiv: Gee....how pretty.  
  
As he sat there, he noticed a 2nd moon appear in the sky. He suspected this to be a demonic moon and shot all his arrows at it in swift succession  
  
Shiv: I did?  
  
Lindsey: Yes you did!  
  
All rebounded......  
  
Shiv: Holy Cahots...that sucks!  
  
...but the last one caused the 2nd moon to emit a fearful screech and there followed a crash in the undergrowth .  
  
The boy ran to the place and found a huge dead cat lying there,  
  
Saga: [twitch]  
  
Shiv: Wow...that's a big kitty.  
  
the 11th arrow in it's heart and a large looking-glass between it's paws. The boy abandoned his moon gazing and ran home and told his mother of his weird experience.  
  
Shiv: You-will-never-believe-what-just-happened-!  
  
Talon: Try me....I read the script.  
  
She then informed him she had seen a cat that morning counting the arrows in the quiver.  
  
{flash back}  
  
Saga: Lets see.....one....two....three.....four.....  
  
{end flash back}  
  
She had feared it wouldn't do this without evil intent.  
  
Saga: Scheme......wuhahaha......  
  
Hence her plea for him to take an extra arrow.  
  
Talon: Told yah so.  
  
Saga: [twitch]  
  
O o O o O o O o O  
  
Lindsey: The end.......based on a real Japanese Cat Myth.  
  
Saga: [twitch]  
  
Lindsey: Um....Saga....the story's over. [pokes her w/ stick]  
  
Saga: [twitch]  
  
O . O O . O O . O O . O  
  
Shout Outs $ o $  
  
lilwlfy - Yay...huh? I guess you're speechless with happyness!  
  
O . O O . O O . O O . O  
  
Saga: That's ALL!?!?!?! [twitch]  
  
Lindsey: Sad to say, yes. Stay tune for other chapters!**


	4. Ch4 The white bearerroctopus?

* * *

Once upon a time there was a..................Disclaimer! 

Lindsey turns to owner of Doc Ock , with freakisly large puppy eyes.

Lindsey: Can I have him?

Comic Book Dudes: NO!!!

Lindsey turns to Static Shock Dudes

Lindsey: Can I have Shiv?

Static Shock Dudes: Heck NO!!!

Lindsey: Darn...

* * *

Once upon a time there was a man named Riche up in Finnmark,

who had caught a large Octopus, which he was going to take

to Lindsey, the Queen of Denmark....

It so happened that he came to the Dourefiell on Christmas Eve.

He went to a cottage where a man lived whose name was Shiv

and he asked the man for lodging for himself and the Octopus.

* * *

Mr.Shiv tells them, "We can't give anyone lodging just now, for every

Christmas Eve the house is so full of trolls that we are forced to move

out, and we'll have no shelter over our own heads , to say nothing of

providing for anyone else. Even though I could probably smear them on

the floor with one hand tied behind my back." pun intended.

"Oh?" said Riche, "If that's all, you can very well let me use your house.

my Octopus can sleep under the stove here, and I can sleep in the store room."

* * *

Well, he begged so hard, that at last he got permission to stay there. The

people of the house moved out, but before they went, everything was

made ready for the trolls.

The table was set with cream porridge and

fish and everything else that was good, just as for any other grand feast.

When everything was ready, in came the trolls. Some were large, and

some were small. Some had long tails and some had no tails at all.

* * *

(Author waves fingers in pain)

And some had long, long noses. They ate and drank and tasted everything.

Then one of the troll youngsters coughJamiecough

saw the Octopus lying under the stove. So she took a piece of

sausage, stuck it onto a fork, and pocked it against the Octopus's nose

;burning it. Then she shrieked, "Fishy, do you want some sausage?!"

The Octopus rose up and snarled. "Aaa-my nose!!!"

Then lashed out with his metal tentacles, chasing them all out big and

small.

* * *

Since that time the trolls have never eaten their Yule porridge

with Mr.Shiv on the Doverfjell.

The End

* * *

Lindsey: Whooho-Glad that's over! 

Otto sulks in corner rubbing his nose

Otto: Little brat.....

Lindsey: Maybe, but I'm **your** little brat!

The demented fangirl hugs Ock.

Random Appearing Audience: Awww....


End file.
